I believe that this world is so beautiful but it can be so hard to appreciate it at times. Even when there is light during the day it can be so hard to appreciate it due to our busy lifestyles and/or our mental health, and we feel like we have no choice but to stay in the darkness. Some people want to leave the darkness, but they just aren’t ready to do it yet themselves and need a helping hand, someone to help them appreciate the beauty that they saw before. That’s what I want my role to be throughout my time here on this earth. I feel that there are so many people caught up in this life and forgetting that it is just a mere simulation, a game. And aren’t games, just like life, supposed to be enjoyed?
TW: Cancer, suicide, alcohol issues and bulimia.
So sometimes when I feel down and that life isn’t as fun a game as I had hoped, I like to write my feelings down. Being a 4th year university student, it can be quite hard to remain optimistic when your studies are taking over your life. So primarily I want my blogs to be something other people can look to for inspiration to get the most out of life but also something to look back on myself when struggling.
So my story really begins at around 15 years old. I had lost my only ever best friend to cancer and had entered my final year of high school and was ready to go to university at 16. I was never the sort of person to like being a sheep, to obey unnecessary rules, to dress up the same way as everybody else, to miss out on class to join everybody in praying to something I didn’t believe in. I didn’t like being a part of something that suppressed individuality to its very core. So with the help of my French teacher, I started university at 16 years old.
After a rather mentally challenging first year at university I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in October 2015, and that was no doubt rock bottom for me. Then in November was the turning point in my life. Just two weeks before my 18th birthday I went all the way up to Aviemore, my last happy place, to try and find a reason to live again and if not, kill myself. I thought that if nature and peace of mind couldn’t save me then nothing ever could. But thankfully I was right, and nature really did save me. Sometimes it’s far too easy to get caught up in what is consuming you that you miss the bigger picture, and for me my mental health, family, friends, university grades and addictions clouded my judgement of what I thought life was. Two weeks later on my 18th birthday was quite literally the best night of my life, and I felt a strange mix of both sadness and relief that I didn’t kill myself because I would have left all of those amazing people who came to my birthday for me, devastated. What that all really taught me is that even though there are going to be times where you feel worthless, hated or depressed in this world, there is always something to live for and it is always 100% worth holding on if you can’t see it immediately.
So after hitting rock bottom, the only way was up. I really learned how to live in the moment and to appreciate every single good thing that came into my life, no matter how big or small. I learned that bulimia and excessive daily alcohol consumption were in no way helping my mental health, so I became healthier physically as a means of being healthier mentally. I followed a lot of positivity and hippie pages on social media and adapted a vegan lifestyle which helped greatly. I eliminated all toxic people and ideas from my life and started to become more spiritual, and although I had a tough time during those years, it brought me to exactly where I am today and for that I’m grateful.
So in my blogs I want to inspire people to live the life of their dreams, to be happy and healthy. You are so much more than your weight, your appearance, your mental illness, your sexual orientation, your history. I think that being on this earth in today’s society is so great for acting as a community and helping each other to learn and grow, and to see the good the world has to offer. In a world fuelled by money, power and vanity, I think having a platform such as this is truly a blessing.